Sunday, September 19, 2010

Betty Oops Beauty Tips

Like most women of any era, I’ve never been too pleased with my looks. Nor did I want to spend a lot of time on them having been raised by parents who attempted to convince me that it is what’s inside that counts, not on the outside. Brains over beauty always won big in my house and I often felt that I hadn’t won much in either category. If you think I am being modest, let me share with you some helpful beauty tips that I’ve learned over the ages – the hard way.

 Never use Nair or any other hair removal product to shape your eyebrows unless you want your eyelids to end up looking like giant strawberries. (Hey, I was only 17 at the time!)

 Never dye your hair black with your Siamese cat napping on the bathroom rug under you. (It is highly embarrassing for a cat to be called Spot even for a few months.)

 Don’t lather on a new miracle face cream guaranteed to clear up all blemishes without testing it first. Hives tend to be larger and redder than zits.

 Don’t try putting on individual false eyelashes before that big first date without making sure you’re not allergic to the glue. You may have end up canceling that date if your eyelids have swelled shut. Also, those tiny hairy buggers are harder than heck to pull off when you can’t see.

It shouldn’t be any surprise that I hesitate to try Botox to erase my frown lines and fillers to plump up my lips and decrease my clown lines. Besides my fear of needles and having an allergic reaction, I can’t get rid of the image of an elderly woman I saw in the grocery store one day. Back bent and leaning on her cart for support, this sweet old lady was the happiest looking 80+ woman I’ve ever seen thanks to her wide surgically closed-mouth smile and her Botox- raised eyebrows that touched the edge of her coiffured black wig. All I could think of is that I never wanted to look that happy. When someone crowds in front of me in line or rams into my grocery cart while talking on their cell phone, I want them to know that I’m hacked off!

Still, I haven’t resigned myself to growing old gracefully or lost my desire to look good. Last weekend I spent an unmentionable amount of money on “Anti-aging Products That Really Work!” per Good Housekeeping’s October issue. It’s too soon to tell if they will do any good, especially since what I really need is aging-reversing products, but the good news is that I haven’t had any allergic reactions.


  1. I woke up this morning and the first thought I had was "the baby boomer blooms blog"! You've won my heart!

    I love it. It was a laugh out loud read for me. Oh, the things we do for beauty. My best? I shaved off my eyebrows once thinking drawing them on would be much more en vogue. Problem (besides the obvious)? I can't draw!

    LOVE YOU!!!

  2. I agree with Paula. Your comments are hysterical! But, isn't it the truth that we see women from time to time with plastic surgery gone bad!!!! Your insights are priceless. Can't wait to read what you write next week!


  3. This was great, Betty Oops! And I hope everyone's eyebrows grew back in --